NAME:
Mike Sithole
SEX:
Not yet. Still waiting for the right person.
DESIRED
POSITION: Company's President or Vice President. But seriously,
whatever's available. If I was in a position to be picky, I wouldn't
be applying here in the first place.
DESIRED
SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible, make an offer and we
can haggle.
EDUCATION:
Yes.
LAST
POSITION HELD: Target for middle management hostility.
SALARY:
Less than I'm worth.
MOST
NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.
REASON
FOR LEAVING: It sucked.
HOURS
AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.
PREFERRED
HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday.
DO
YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.
MAY
WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had one, would I be here?
DO
YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING
UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?
DO
YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate question here would
be "Do you have a car that runs?"
HAVE
YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR RECOGNITION?: I may already be
a winner of the Publishers Clearing house Sweepstakes.
DO
YOU SMOKE?: On the job no, on my breaks yes.
WHAT
WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?: Living in the Bahamas
with a fabulously wealthy dumb sexy blonde super model who thinks I'm
the greatest thing since sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
that now.
DO
YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: Yes. Absolutely.
SIGN
HERE: Aries
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